hate to say i told u so

oh well, as i said, i'm just being a typical female.

now i'm okay, i think.

yeah yeah... go ahead gimme that -__-" look. u think i want to be this way? i cant control it ya know, how i wish we girls can be like them guys " chillin " and just cool all *almost all* the time.

but yet again, that explains the existence of GIRLS rite?
to balance up the universe. hehe.

no wonder them boys always said " girls are scary, they think too much, unpredictable, crazy, mood swings that can keep u frustrated" hahahahahah!!

i guess u prove their point huh?

oh well, now that i get my head together, i could tell myself

just chill san, go with the flow yaww....

HAHA.

i think i'm crazy. oh yeah baby.. insane in the brain!

i are looking forward for peejay ppl. peejay!

chao!

ps: can we get pop tarts here? i miss them!! gahhh!!

i hate this part

you know what? dont even bother reading, its just a post for me to rant/vent bout something which i can't even decipher to anyone.

this post is pointless.

because i'm just being a typical female at this particular point.
go away
k?

i dunno

i don't want to feel this way.

don't ask me what.

i'm not gonna tell.

not this time.

all i can say is, its happening, the signs, the symptoms,

i hope u're right sathya.

grrr, i hate being fucking emo. gah !!!

maybe its that time of the month? since mine is fucking late.. i hope it is just pms.

bye.

wave of emotions, be it positve or negative

what do i mean by the title for this post? okay, i shall fill u ppl in with the details. *btw, this is such a sweet colour, eh?*

come on, cut me some slack would you? i too have my downfall period rite? i have my moments as well.. so dont mind me ranting on bout what i feel.

so on the 9th of jan, i was accompanied by laine to IMU to collect my results. remember the subject that i said i didnt do well and purely depend on luck if i want to pass? yeah, luck is definitely not on my side coz if it were i wont be here at teluk pulai for now but i'll be in bukit jalil instead.

the reaction that i gave out was not one that anyone would expect. i took it like a man! AHAHHAHA okay okay, not so much like that.... i was surprisingly okay for the start, it only became worse after a while. probably i'm ready for it that's why its not SO bad. hehe, laine's my witness!

then on the way back, we manage to drop by cats whiskers for a while, she got a few nice tops. i didnt get anything *yet*
and we came across a "small" incident on the road. *i dont wanna talk bout it* collect some stuff in aeon, then send laine back.

at home, shit happens.
i had a glimpse of dissapointment/sorrow from dad's face. it breaks my heart seriously. i am not so sad for myself coz i know where i went wrong an i accept the mistakes that i take, but i didnt do well in the daughter department.

on top of that, i raised my voice an questioned my dad. i "menderhaka" (such deep and heavy word) at that point, coz i can't go on with things that i FELT he shouldnt do. but oh well its all cleared up yesterday follow up by more tears sheddin. aish, i'm too emotional.

its such a weak characteristic. emotional. pffftt!!

i hate being emotional. such a weak characteristic at times. i care too much, worried too much for my family, is that wrong? no?

if only i'm able to shut it out from my brain !!

i have to learn how to "push it aside" for a while. hehe.

i'll try, i promise.

so, all i got was a freaking LOOONNGGG holidae that no one wants to have. i will be wasting one year and graduate one sem later than the first batch since i'll be joining the 2nd batch ppl in July just to retake the subject that i didn't pass.. *stupid system rite??*

was pretty down for a moment, okay "pretty down" is SEVERELY an understatement.

BUTTTTTTT wait!

all these sorrow or somesay lamentable event has been counterbalanced by an euphoric nite!

i wanna shout out to a few ppl that made the night wonderful and AWESOME!
*drum rolls*

ANG ENG HUAT!!!! - i love you bro, none of this would've been possible without you! i dunno how to repay u lah! *guilty guilty* i will think okay!
AND i owe u HUSE ASS time!

obviously not to be forgotten (in random order)
-=* laine!
-=* bao!
-=* mae!
-=* jue!

that high feeling is terific! haha, lucky i nvr do any stupid act except being super hyper or else, i shy lorh! hehe.

i will get those pictures from jue, then will put it in facebook! =)

okay, habbo is FREAKIN' cute, then my mood got spoilt by sum perverts aiyo, my eyes! arghhhh... *ewww*

shall adjourne to it ( other habbo activities) later.

much love peeps!

-=*[SAN]*=-

taking it easyyyy... at least i'm trying

so, i dont feel SOOO stressed up or uptight anymore at least for the moment.

i cant finish studying if everything goes according to plan. =) might not be a very good ending for this year BUT i'll be optimistic and hope for a better year in 2009 =D

cant blog much coz i gotta go help out my sis at her shop. short of staff.

SAN to the rescue~~~


chao ppl.

much love

SAN

breaking point

gosh..........
so
stressful

='(

san is super down.

san feels like pulling her hair out.

san is...........

sigh......


i want to pass.

i'm dreading the exam. time passes too fast. why a series of bad events occuring perpetually?

enough of the downs... the ups please??

Stand up again right after you fall down!!

today i collected my exam results at about 3ish. we have to pen down our signature on a sheet of paper with our names on them before they hand us 2 envelopes. was there with yeeleng coz minying hasnt arrive yet and juliana was not able to collect due to personal reasons. i knew i had to open the envelope anyways. holding on to my breath as i start tearing the sides of the paper that's in the envelope, i flipped open the paper and quickly run thru the words on it, and trust me, time stood still for a mo'. i saw the word "fail" TWICE. i feel like a failure. i'm sorry to exaggerate but i just can't accept it at that point. sigh... i failed 2 subjects out of 6. both are chemistry. general chemistry and organice chemistry. i have to resit them on 30 december and 2 january. (so much for the holidaes, now i gotta study again) told dad thru text, he said, its okay, what to do? have to study again lor.. with a =) . he's always so supportive, made me even moredisappointed with myself. i'm so sad. i held back my tears at uni,my eyes were practically pooling with tears yet i still hold on, even when i was crusin' back home in my car, still holdin on. then back at home, dad stressed again, nevermind la.. just study again, nothing can be done already, right? that point my tears flow... then he tried comforting me again.. then it got worse! well, i bet u felt that before were when someone tries to comfort u, u cry harder?

the point is, i'm going to pass ( i HAVE to or else i have to repeat the SEMESTER and join the juniors next year which is only in July, and waste 1 WHOLE year!!!!) so, i have 2 weeks for General Chemistry, 1 week for Orranic Chemistry. i was soooooo down that i dont have the mood nor motivation to study. BUT, *CHING* not long after that, i come to my senses and semangat again, i'm quite lucky as in the point where i'm low in life does not last long. i can be VERY EXTREMELY EMOTIONAL (those ppl that over exaggerate or being melodramatic) but just in split seconds, (worse case scenario i might cry *blush*) THEN i'll be fine. its a great thing, right?? heh.

then, was telling Elaine darling about this, you know girl, what ever you told me was what i am thinking after being down, before feeling better. she said, its not THAT bad.. at least can resit, at least got a chance to prove myself again.. hehe.. then she said san
san strong wan.. cry all out sekali den nth d. i told her i sayang her coz she understand me so well. hehe. its true, that's why i appreciate the ppl around me (put aside, i'm quite an open book) at least they're always around for me. oh i feel so blessed!

i will start studying next week. hehe.

i still can go out with you peeps. no worries.. but no SOOOOOO outta control i guess, sigh. this better be worth it. and i told laine, at least my bday i'm free as a bird =D


sis went holidae as well. so left me and dad. dinner with him every night till tuesday. as for lunch which is usually late for me coz i will wake up at god knows what time, i just have my fabulous cereals those with raisins and other goodness! so yummy and healthy. sorry if i turn you ppl off, its filling for me, i've not been exercising for a while, if i eat heavy meals like chicken rice, fried noodles, those that u pack back from outside (considering mum's not in as well) i'm bound to pack on some pounds coz its day and night and i'm at home doing nothing but sleeping, watchin tele and online, sedentary life that is. so i decided to eat only at night, its would be better if i eat cereals to replace meals at night but the timing is bitch since i wake up at odd hours. *VAINPOT ALERTT!!!** hehe. i guess takin up this Nutrition and Dietetics suits me alot. coz i enjoy getting knowledge on food for our health. dont worry i wont pressure you ppl with these facts! hehe.

okay, its been quite a while since i expend my time for my dad. i've been very busy studying for exam (soon another time.. AISH) and going out till wee hours and didn't really chat with him anymore. so, i gotta run! see you!

=)

dont want to resit!!!!!

aish.... i received texts from jue and yeeleng, was in the car on the way to sunway pyramid to catch a movie wit bro and ameleen (again).. at first i forgot bout the feeling of anxious, suspense and fear of getting the results, but was again reminded by those texts..... danggggg!!! i am freaking worried, seriously.... well, yeah, i guess i cant escape from getting my results on friday, mind you its THIS FRIDAY. oooohhh, what a freaky friday? HAHA XD

*prays hard to GOD*

I DONT WANT TO RESITTTT!!!!!!

if i need to resit, i dont think i will have the mood to go clubbing this Saturday already.... but i guess i'll still be going and probably try to drown myself with alco in order to forget my sorrowness temporarily lah.... yes very stupid, but for the moment I DONT CARE!!!!!! eh, come one one paper can cause 500 fucking ringgit wei, omg.. and have to study again... zZZOMG... WUAHHH... DONT WANT.


=(

i feel so moodless suddenly... sigh!

moving on, its true that bonds can be broken VERY easily as quote by bao. its not easy to form one but its fragile enough to be broken just like that *snaps fingers* so do appreciate those around. =)

i'm goin to pyramid AGAIN. i've got stuffs to get, like some groceries coz me mum is going away for holidaes, and i've got the mood to do some cooking, pastas that is! hehe nothing to be shout about, and some undergarments? hehe... maybe some clothes too, i've gotta budget, insufficient of monayyy. so sad.. so stuffs like eyeliner, foundation and blusher gotta put on hold coz its not THAT important for me compares to food and clothes, *see i'm not so vain after all* HAHAHAHAH

okay, i've gotta settle some stuffs then heading to bed. want to get back my normal sleeping time, which is not so late... nights!

this is SAN signing out!

Lotsa stuffs to tell.

sigh. yeah a sigh. not like i like starting it with a sigh. these days alot stuffs has been goin on in my mind. i dunno WTF am i so emo. wait. i think i noe. *pssst, i think aherm PMS lorrr* anyways, ok lets recap what had happened in the past few days that i have not been blogging.

on monday, it was bao's bday. turning 19. wow, how fast time passes by, eh?



lovely bao with the bday cake bought by mae with beepeng fetching her around that reminds me * i not yet pay my share for the cake! ooopsie* hehe malu!


make a wish, make a wish... omg................................ i'm singing F4's song.. alamak CANNOT MAKE IT WEI. anyways... moving on...



blow it... blow them..... aherm... candles .. HEHE




us.. from l-r :san, mae,bao,beepeng,siva and pei li. laine, its ok u cant be here.. we paham! hehe





bao i love ya alot. appreciate these years that we have been through as close frens =)

the homies. i miss those times. =)

on tuesday, nothing special/ interesting happened.. so we'll skip that day.

stories on wednesday and thursday had been removed coz i'm afraid of others viewing it? hehe. malu la! i mean other than you ppl i'm close with.

as for friday i went to check out the room that i was suppose to rent from meiyan. hehe i rented it edy. not yet pay. but, i decided to take it. RM500 for middle room got aircond , bed, and wardrobe. eh outside got astro la i saw the decoder. hehe. nice view and its rite opposite IMU. hehe. have to put tables and chairs first. then i will stay a night or two sumtimes to slowly get adjusted to it first then only will stay for the weekdays. hehe. should be alrite. my housemate is mei yan and a guy from kuantan apparently meiyan's fren too. =) so should be ok.

don't miss me too much if i'm not around here. will be back every weekend. for the moment still travelling evryday. =]

saturday, nite went yamcha with the bro. hehe. ang ang for you la.. hehe

sunday. i studied. a bit only not enough. =(

oh yeah, back to why i feel emo.

i've got alot of issues in the house. i hate it. some words are really hurtful. though i'm use to hearing it. doesnt mean i can take it regularly. doesnt mean that it has to repeat. to a fren i noe.. (you noe who you are) whatever stuffs u said that night i have thought about it b4. but i pushed it aside. trying not to think bout it. but its alrite, i noe u're very direct but no worries.. its reality that i have to face. =)

sumtimes, the inner side of me in clenching, from holding back tears. no, san san kenot shed tears in the house. she have to be strong or else my dad will worry and i dun want him to worry, and start telling me " dont think about it, u do ur part can edy" i can't. its not easy. i dun deserve this. but i have to admit, i'm really lucky to have you guys around, ppl to talk to. seriously, and its lucky that i dont learn it the wrong way and turn into some children with bad attitudes or behaviour.

ppl say it will be ok. trust me. i've live in this house and seen things long enough to noe that it wont be ok. not trying to be negative but if you dunno the whole thing u wont understand. but, i guess in a way, i'm quite strong enough also. or else i think i wont be here as i am today. rite?

oh, one more thing, tho i'm damn depressed and sad but somehow, it would last that long. hehe, the most also half a day? where i will actually forget bout it in a few hours time. and usually it happens at home. no, i dont cry. just very ill mannered. the tone that i speak will be quite hurtful at times. dad sense it but he will just think that i had a bad day.

i dunno. i really hate to be the middle person. very tiring. the blame will be on u. u think my brain are made to remember so many stuffs that doesnt concern me? if i dont pass it to one and another, i get the blame. sumtimes words are so hurtful that i have to change it to sound normal to pass it to both of them. sigh. who's ears will be the one listening to it? ME. who will be the one telling white lies? ME.

tiring. that's all i can say.

i need a good cry. that's all. then i will be fine.

good nite peeps. what will i do without you all.

dont worry i'll be fine. i promise. =]